Broken Pulse
by ShoopShoopDaDoop
Summary: "Kid, you alright?" "No actually. Bobby, this is all my fault. I'm sorry." "Sam…" "Lilith did not break the final seal. Lilith was the final seal." "Sam, stop it." "I killed her. I set Lucifer free." "You what!" "You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen I brought this on." "You're damn right you didn't listen! You were reckless and selfish and arrogant!"
1. Chapter 1

" _Kid, you alright?"_

 _"No actually. Bobby, this is all my fault. I'm sorry."_

 _"Sam…"_

 _"Lilith did not break the final seal. Lilith was the final seal."_

 _"Sam, stop it."_

 _"I killed her. I set Lucifer free."_

 _"You what?!"_

 _"You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen I brought this on."_

 _"You're damn right you didn't listen! You were reckless and selfish and arrogant!"_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"Oh yeah? You're sorry you started Armageddon? This kind of thing doesn't get forgiven, boy!"_

 **-Supernatural: 5.01- Sympathy for the Devil**

Sam felt his stomach drop to his feet, the shadows of something dark lurk at the edges of his mind as he repeats what Bobby just fucking said to him in his mind; over and over and over again.

" _If by some miracle we pull this off…_ "

He shoves his hands into his pockets as he walks down the street; shoulders hunched, head down. God, what was wrong with him? He couldn't even look the man in the eyes when he told him what he's been thinking since Lucifer was released.

" _I want you to lose my number…"_

It was his fault. Not Ruby's, not Lilith's. His.

It was Sam who freed Lucifer. Satan, the Devil, Sin incarnate.

Sam, and Sam alone. He struck the final blow, it was his fault the devil was free now. And Bobby simply told him so.

" _You understand me?_ "

He told them he was going to a nearby church. He decided against it now. He'd do what was best and just leave, book it out of town and not look back.

He took his phone from his back pocket and threw it in a nearby garbage can, he wouldn't be needing it anyway. His wallet, empty of all cash, soon followed.

It wasn't until he reached a city almost an hour away that he stopped and ditched his 'borrowed' car. He would go by foot for the next day.

He swung the pilfered bag over his back, hunched his shoulders, and began to walk down the road.

People avoided Sam as he passed them, his tall form keeping them weary of him, glancing at him from the corner of their eyes.

He didn't give a fuck, he just needed to get away. Far away. As far from Dean as he could get.

He started the apocalypse, he would only put Dean in danger. Hunters would come for him, demons too, probably. He was bad luck.

He kept walking. For miles, out of the city, along the highway. Just… _away_.

He didn't truly stop until he left the state. It was then and only then that he stopped at the nearest (and cheapest) motel. He slept for an entire day, a whole 24 hours, before waking up once again.

And when he did groggily open his eyes again it was to the sound of Jessica's voice.

Another nightmare then.

"Jessica?" He questioned the apparition of his dead girlfriend. Another thing that was his fault.

"No. I'm dreaming." He shook his head, though he couldn't tear his eyes from her.

"Or you're not." She says. "What's the difference? I'm here, aren't I?" She asked him, an odd smile on her beautiful face.

Sam gave in, relieved to just see her again, even if it was only a figment of his imagination. "I've missed you so much." He told her honestly.

"I know," she said, reaching down to place her hand onto Sams, "I miss you, too." She looks into his eyes, smiling, before a frown crosses her face. "What are you doing, Sam?" She asks him quietly.

Sam shakes his head, confused. "What do you mean?" He rubs his fingers over the hand holding his own, still in shock. This wasn't a nightmare. It was simply a dream, and nothing more, it seems.

"Running away." Jess says it as if it were obvious, though it wasn't really. "Haven't we been down this road before?" She asks him, rolling her eyes.

"No." Sam says staring at their joint hands, "It's different now. Last time I wanted to be normal. This time…" he hesitates briefly, "I know I'm a freak." A self deprecating look crossed Sam's face.

Jessica looked at him with pity, "Which is a big ball of semantics, you know that." She tries to placate, "Even at Stamford you knew, you knew there was something dark inside of you. Deep down maybe, but, you knew." She accuses him. "Baby, that's what got me killed."

A feeling of panic welled in Sam's chest, this wasn't happening. "No," he all but demanded.

"I was dead the minute you said 'hello."' She told him bluntly. He again replied with a desperate 'no.'

Jessica continued unperturbed, "Don't you get it?" She asked him rhetorically, "You can't run from yourself. so why are you running now?"

"Why are you here, Jess?" Sam asked her desperately.

"Would you believe in actually trying to protect you?" She questioned him.

"From what?"

"You." Was her quick reply. "Sooner or later the past is going to catch up to you, like it always does." She continued, "You know what happens then? People die. Baby, the people closest to you die." She tells him bluntly.

Sam couldn't look her in the eye, his mind kept whispering that her death was his fault. His fault. His.

It took him a while to reply, and when he did it was with a sad tone.

"Well, don't worry because I won't make that mistake again."

"Same song, Sam. Different verse. Things are never going to change with you. Ever." A smirk played at the edges of her lips, she looked like she was enjoying this.

And suddenly, she was gone. And Sam woke up again.

Obviously not Mine… (Spn… though I wish…)


	2. Chapter 2

_"So this is your life now? You think you can just live forever with your head buried in the sand?"_

 _"I love you, Jess. God knows how much I miss you, too. But you're wrong. People can change, there is a reason for hope."_

 _"No, Sam. There isn't."_

 _"How can you be so sure?"_

 _"Because you freed me... that's right, you know who I am_ **."**

 **Supernatural: 5.03- Free to be you and me**

"Lucifer," Sam mutters, backing away slowly, a look of growing panic blooms on his face. This wasn't supposed to happen! Satan wasn't supposed to find him; no one was. And yet, here he is, standing before him now.

"You are a hard one to find Sam," The Devil tells him sarcastically, a cruel smirk playing at the edge of his mouth. "Harder than most humans. I don't suppose you'll tell me where you are?" Lucifer asks him rhetorically.

What? Was this all a dream? No. It was far to realistic, it had to be real in some way, "What do you want from me?" Sam tried to distract the man.

It evidently worked.

"Thanks to you, I walk the Earth. I want to give you a gift," Satan began earnestly and honestly. "I want to give you everything." He finished, a small smile lighting up his face.

"I don't want anything from you!" Sam says adamantly, watching as Lucifer's face momentarily loses its smirk.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I really am," He sounds almost... sad. "But-" he gestures down at his body, "Nick here is just an improvisation, Plan 'B'" The smile was back now, as was the sarcasm. "He can barely contain me without spontaneously combusting."

"W-What are you talking about?" Sam asks him.

Lucifer stands from the bed he was previously sitting on, taking a step towards Sam. "Why do you think you were in that chapel?" He points a the hunter, "You're the one, Sam. You're my vessel."

A dawning horror settles upon Sam's mind; it all made sense now. Why demons were drawn to him, why his mother was killed, why he had to kill Lilith, everything.

"My true vessel." Lucifer finished, staring at Sam.

"No. No, that'll never happen." Sam muttered, still trying to back away.

"I'm sorry, but it will." The man said, taking a step closer for every step Sam took away. "I will find you, and when I do... you will let me in. I'm sure of it."

Sam felt confusion, let me in... "You need my consent?"

Lucifer looked at the hunter, disappointed. "Of course," he tutted, "I'm an angel." He crossed his arms patronizingly.

Anger flashed inside of Sam, another ass of an angel. Where there no good angels? "I will kill myself before letting you in!"

The devil sighed deeply, "And I will just bring you back," he refuted. He sighed again loudly, looking down at the ground, "Sam, my heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders. What you've done. What you still have to do." The man looked back up at Sam, "It is more than anyone could bear. If only there was some other way..." he trailed off. "But, there isn't."

Lucifer stepped close to Sam, honesty shining in his eyes. "I will never lie to you, I will never trick you. But you will say yes to me."

Sam tried to deny it, to himself and to the other man. He wasn't so sure he believed his own words.

"I'm not wrong, Sam. I think I know you better than yourself." He told him.

Sam's voice cracked when he spoke again, "Why me?"

"Because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you..."

When Sam looked up again the devil was gone from the motel room that was his dream. He collapsed back onto the bed, running a hand through his hair and letting out a shuddering sigh.

His life was so fucked over.

It took two weeks after his disappearance for him to learn Dean was looking for him. Two fucking weeks.

Apparently (according to the rumors at least) Sam Winchester has gone rogue; he was now 'gankable.' He was open season.

The two weeks were a mixture of running, hiding, and avoiding everything he could. Already two hunters and a demon found him, the demon dead and the hunters… permanently out out of the job. It had to be done.

He knew he was being a coward that he was only really hiding from one person, but the facts still stood the same. He was Lucifer's vessel, he'd be worn to prom as Dean would say.

He stared down at his new phone, contemplating whether or not he should call Dean, would it be worth it? The disappointed looks, the anger and hate? No, he didn't think it would be.

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. He was an idiot.

"What can I get you, hun?" The waitress standing above him asked, a look of pity in her eyes.

Sam looked up at her before glancing back down at his hands, "Uh, just a coffee please." He told her. At this point, that's all he could afford anyway.

The woman nodded before turning and rushing off, she did have other customers after all, best to get the order done quickly.

When the coffee was placed down in front of Sam, he added copious amounts of sugar before downing half of the scalding liquid in one gulp.

Sighing he finished his drink and setting down a five. He stood up and threw his bag over his shoulder and began to leave. "Good luck, hun," the waitress shouted after him.

He nodded his head in acknowledgment, and shuffled his way outside. Back to running it was.


End file.
